C Campaigns - Custom

Campaigns
Candidates
Candor
Capital And Labor
Card Index
Carelessness
Cataloging
Cause And Effect
Caution
Character
Charity
Cheerfulness
Chicken Stealing
Child Labor
Children
Choices
Christian Scientists
Christmas Gifts
Church
Church Attendance
Church Discipline
Citizens
City And Country
Civics
Civilization
Class Distinctions
Cleanliness
Clergy
Clothing
Clubs
Coal
Coffee
Collecting Of Accounts
Collection Box
College Graduates
College Students
Colleges And Universities
Committee
Common Sense
Communism
Commuters
Comparisons
Compensation
Competition
Compliments
Conceit
Conduct
Confessions
Confidences
Congress
Conscience
Conscription
Conservatives
Consolation
Contentment
Contribution Box
Conundrums
Cookery
Cooks
Cooperation
Corpulence
Correspondence Schools
Cosmopolitanism
Cost Of Living
Country Life
Courage
Courtesy
Courts
Courtship
Credit
Crime
Criticism
Culture
Cures
Curiosity
Current Events
Custom

CAMPAIGNS

_See_ Public Speakers.

CANDIDATES

TED--"So you think I'm wasting my time making love to that rich girl?"

NED--"You have about as much chance of winning as a landlord running for office on a dry ticket."

THE HEELER--"Well, I see that Jimpson, them reformers' candidate f'r Mayor, is goin' t' have all his meetin's opened with prayer."

THE BOSS--"Good! That means he knows he's licked!"

"What do you think of the candidates?"

"Well the more I think of them the more pleased I am that only one of them can get in."

_See also_ Politicians.

CANDOR

"How is your wife this morning, Uncle Henry?"

"Well, I dunno. She's failin, dretful slow. I do wish she'd git well, or somethin'."--_Puck_.

Candor may be considered as a compound of justice and the love of truth.--_J. Abercrombie_.

Candor is the seal of a noble mind, the ornament and pride of man, the sweetest charm of woman, the scorn of rascals and the rarest virtue of sociability.--_Bentsel-Sternau_.

  'Tis great--'tis manly to disdain disguise,   It shows our spirit, or it proves our strength.--_Young_.

STATISTICIAN (on the platform)--"These are not my figures, ladies and gentlemen; they are the figures of a man who knows what he is talking about."

CAPITAL AND LABOR

WILLIE--"Paw, what is the difference between capital and labor?"

PAW--"Well, the money you lend represents capital, and getting it back represents labor, my son."

If you divorce capital from labor, capital is hoarded, and labor starves.--_Daniel Webster_.

CARD INDEX

MINING-STOCK PROMOTER--"Where can I hide? The police are coming!"

CHIEF CLERK--"Get into the card-index case. I defy any one to find anything in there."--_Judge_.

CARELESSNESS

Care may kill people, but don't care kills more.

The editor in charge of the Personal Inquiry column opened his seventieth letter with a groan.

"I have lost three husbands," a lady reader had written, confidentially, "and now have the offer of a fourth. Shall I accept him?"

The editor dipped his pen in the ink. This was the last straw.

"If you've lost three husbands," he wrote, "I should say you are much too careless to be trusted with a fourth."

CATALOGING

One of the best examples of the humors of cataloging comes in Sonnenschein's "Best Books," volume one, page 121, where Prof. Henry Preserved Smith's well-known Old Testament History appears thus:

_Smith, Prf. Hy._ "Preserved O.T. History."

CAUSE AND EFFECT

It was in one of the social settlements conducted by persons of a philanthropic turn of mind. The young kindergarten teacher, having finished the morning's talk on hygiene and sanitation, wished to make a practical application of the lesson. Turning to one little youngster whose face, hands and whole appearance bespoke the crying need of soap and water, she asked:

"Izzy, when the house gets all mussed up and dirty, what does mother do?"

"We move."

LITTLE BOY--"A penn'orth each of liniment and liquid cement, please."

CHEMIST--"Are they both for the same person, or shall I wrap them up separately?"

LITTLE BOY--"Well, I dunno. Muvver's broke 'er teapot, so she wants the cement, but farver wants the liniment. 'E's what muvver broke 'er teapot on."

An old farmer and his wife drove to market one very wet day when large pools of water had formed in the roadway between the farm and the town. On the return journey he met an old friend.

"And how are you today?" was the friendly greeting.

"Very well, thank you," answered the farmer.

"How is the missus?" continued the friend.

"Fine," answered the farmer. "She's behind there"--jerking his thumb toward the back of the wagon.

"She's not there!" exclaimed the astonished friend.

The old farmer turned and looked over his shoulder. Then he coolly replied:

"Humph! That accounts for the splash."

CAUTION

A small boy, who was sitting next to a very haughty woman in crowded car, kept sniffling in a most annoying way, until the woman could stand it no longer.

"Boy, have you got a handkerchief?" she demanded.

The small boy looked at her for a few seconds, and then in a dignified tone, came the answer.

"Yes, I 'ave, but I don't lend it to strangers."

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