PEACE

"Why were all the nations fighting, papa?"

"To make the world safe for democracy, my son."

"Is the world safe for democracy now, papa?"

"It will be, when we have peace."

"When will we have peace, papa?"

"When the world is safe for democracy."

"Will the nations always fight to have peace, papa?"

"Yes, always, my son."

A certain people were much given to deploring war. War, they kept insisting, was poor business.

Their King heard them, but he didn't take them seriously. The very first chance he got he picked a quarrel with a neighboring Power, and, that done, he lifted up his voice in the old way.

"The fatherland is in danger!" he cried. "The honor of the nation is assailed! My children, be patriots!"

But they couldn't see him. "Not on your life!" they made answer. "You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time!"

Whereupon the King made haste to patch up his quarrel and was very careful forever after not to pick another.

This fable teaches that we have still some distance to go before universal peace can be anything but a joke.

PEDESTRIANS

"You know," said the lady whose motor-car had run down a man, "you must have been walking very carelessly. I am a very careful driver. I have been driving a car for seven years."

"Lady, you've got nothing on me. I've been walking for fifty-four years."

Chug-Chug! Br-r! Br-r-r! Honk! Honk! Gilligillug-gilligillug!

The pedestrian paused at the intersection of two busy cross streets.

He looked about. A motor-car was rushing at him from one direction, a motorcycle from another, a steam truck was coming from behind, and a taxicab was speedily approaching.

Zip-zip! Zing-glug!

He looked up, and saw directly above him an air-ship in rapid descent.

There was but one chance. He was standing upon a manhole cover. Quickly seizing it, he lifted the lid and jumped into the hole just in time to be run over by an underground train.

PENMANSHIP

Mr. Brown had just registered and was about to turn away when the clerk asked:

"Beg pardon, but what is your name?"

"Name!" echoed the indignant guest. "Don't you see my signature there on the register?"

"I do," returned the clerk calmly. "That is what aroused my curiosity."

PEP

  Vigor, vitality, vim and punch--             That's Pep!   The courage to act on a sudden hunch--             That's Pep!   The nerve to tackle the hardest thing   With feet that climb and hands that cling,   And a heart that never forgets to sing--             That's Pep.

  Sand and grit in a concrete base--             That's Pep!   Friendly smile on an honest face--             That's Pep!   The spirit that helps when another's down,   That knows how to scatter the blackest frown,   That loves its neighbor, and loves its town--             That's Pep.

  To say "I will," for you know you can--             That's Pep!   To look for the best in every man--             That's Pep!   To meet each thundering knock-out blow,   And come back strong, because you know   You'll get the best of the whole damned show--             That's Pep.

   --_Henry W. Stern_.

PERCENTAGE

"Speaking of percentages." said the old-time politician, "reminds me of Tom Bledsoe, who had the butcher shop in our town. He used to buy rabbits from the boys. One day he hung up a sign announcing rabbit sausage for sale. People wondered what it was, took a hack at it, and liked it. Pretty soon he was selling rabbit sausage by the wagon-load.

"But the pure-food inspectors came prying around, and asked Tom how he could make so much sausage when he got only a few dozen rabbits a day. Finally he admitted that there was some horse-meat in the sausage. Then they wanted to know how much horse-meat. After a long grilling he said it was fifty per cent. When pressed further by his questioners, he explained that fifty per cent meant one rabbit to one horse."

PERSISTENCE

Persistence can accomplish two things--it can make one either a success or a bore.

             _Fishin'_

  "Supposin" fish don't bite at first,     What are you goin' to do?   Throw down your pole, chuck out your bait     And say your fishin's through?

  "You bet you ain't; you're goin' to fish     An' fish, an' fish, an' wait   Until you've ketched a bucketful     Or used up all your bait.

  "Suppose success don't come at first,     What are you goin' to do?   Throw up the sponge and kick yourself     And growl, and fret, and stew?

  "You bet you ain't; you're goin' to fish     An' bait, an' bait ag'in,   Until success will bite your hook.     For grit is sure to win."

PERSUASION

"Mother," said a twelve-year-old of Baltimore, "did you tell father I wanted a new bicycle?"

"Yes, dear," said the mother, "I told him; but he said he couldn't afford to buy you one."

"Of course he'd say that; but what did you do?"

"I told him how badly you wanted it, and argued in favor of it, but he refused."

"Argued! Oh, mother, if it had been something you wanted yourself you'd have cried a little and then you'd have got it."

Persuasion tips his tongue whene'er he talks.--_Colley Gibber_.

Few are open to conviction, but the majority of men are open to persuasion.--_Goethe_.

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