SUNDAY

The solemn Sabbath air was wracked by strident cries from "de gang," engaged in a game of one-eyed cat. Finally the good lady of the house ventured a protest and suggestion.

"Boys," she said, "don't you know that it is Sunday and you mustn't play ball in the front-yard? Go in the back-yard and play, if you must."

"Hey, youse!" yelled the leader to his followers. "Come on in the back-yard. It ain't Sunday there."

             _Sunday the Thirteenth_

            Must the new morn             Be a Blue morn?   Must we backward turn to find             The kind of day             To while away   The stalwart modern mind?

            Must the Sun day             Be the one day   When the sun is banned to all?             Must our play day             Be a gray day   Locked behind a prison wall?

            Must the rest day             Be a pest day?   Must we bore ourselves to death             By boding ill             From sitting still   To curb each merry breath?

            Must the feast day             Be the least day,   Robbed of all the things we'd seek?             Must our proud day             Be a shroud day   With rehearsals once a week?

  --_Mabel Haughton Collyer_.

             _Keeping Calm_

  I have my share of grief and care,     Beyond the slightest doubt;   I have enough of dreadful stuff     Each day to fret about.   So when I see prepared for me     A line of stuff like this:   "The Sabbath gang now want to hang     The man who steals a kiss!   They'd kill the joy of man and boy,     Who'd spend the Sabbath day   By motoring where song birds sing,     And put all fun away!"   I do not fret and get upset,     And let that frighten me;   Let others storm--that's one reform     That's never going to be!

  --_Edgar A. Guest_.

Recent clerical utterances against Sunday amusements raise the question of whether a clergyman, with six days for outdoor recreation, is the one best qualified to pass on a Sabbath schedule of toilers who work from sun to sun six days a week.

LADY (to small boy who is fishing)--"I wonder what your father would say if he caught you fishing on Sunday?"

BOY--"I don't know. You'd better ask him. That's him a little farther up the stream."

FOND MOTHER--"Oh, Reginald! Reginald! I thought I told you not to play with your soldiers on Sunday."

REGINALD--"But I call them the Salvation Army on Sunday."

"Helen, I really cannot permit you to read novels on the Sabbath."

"But, grandma, this one is all right; it tells about a girl who was engaged to three Episcopal clergymen all at once."

Enforcement of the blue laws would make Sunday not a day of resting but of arresting.

When the New York National League ball club was playing in Boston, a local clergyman called at the hotel where the players were stopping one Sunday to congratulate Mathewson on his stand against playing on the Sabbath.

The clerk made a few mysterious inquiries and then said: "Sorry, sir, but Mr. Mathewson is out playing golf."--_Everybody's_.

SUNDAY SCHOOLS

"Ef yo' had your choice, Liza, which would yo' rather do--live, or die an' go to heaven?"

"Ah'd rather live."

"Why, Liza White, yo' scan'lous chile! Sunday-school hain't done yo' no good'tall!"--_Life_.

JIMMIE AND BOBBIE--"Mother I don't mind going to Sunday school any other day, but it just spoils Sunday."

Little Raymond returned home from Sunday school in a very joyous mood. "Oh, mother," he exclaimed as he entered the house, "the superintendent said something awfully nice about me in his prayer this morning!"

"Isn't that lovely! What did he say, pet?" questioned the mother.

"He said, 'O Lord, we thank thee for our food and Raymond.'"

SUPERSTITION

MRS. WIGGS--"Is Billy sick, Mrs. Skinner?"

MRS. SKINNER--"Well, 'e ain't exactly sick, but no stummick can stand thirteen buns! It's an unlucky number."-_Puck_.

"And you wouldn't begin a journey on Friday?"

"Not I."

"I can't understand how you can have faith in such a silly superstition."

"No superstition about it. Saturday's my pay day."

SURPRISE

"Do you think Gladys was surprised when I proposed to her?" inquired the happy youth.

"About as surprised," answered Miss Cayenne, "as a candidate who has received formal notification that he has been nominated."

Boss entering his factory caught two of his employees shooting craps during working hours. "Oh! what is the matter with you?"

"Well boss, I can't help it, you see you got rubber heels."

SYMPATHY

BEGGAR--"I haven't tasted food for a month."

DYSPEPTIC--"You ain't missing much. It's the same old taste."

Every seat was occupied, when a group of women got in. The conductor noticed a man who he thought was asleep.

"Wake up!" shouted the conductor.

"I wasn't asleep," said the passenger.

"Not asleep! Then what did you have your eyes closed for?"

"It was because of the crowded condition of the car," explained the passenger. "I hate to see the women standing."

SYNONYMS

TEACHER--"Hawkins, what is a synonym?"

HAWKINS--"Please, sir, it's a word you use in place of another when you cannot spell the other one."