UNITED STATES

After the janitor had tacked a new map on the wall, Umson said to Amley:

"By golly, the United States is getting to be a great place, ain't it?"

"Yes," said Amley, "if it gets to be much bigger I'll have to move my desk."

VACATIONS

Our unfortunate experience is that a day off is generally followed by an off day.

A vocation is something you do for a living, an avocation something you do for a while, a vacation something you couldn't stick at very long without being dead broke and dead tired.

JUDGE--"Six months!"

COS COB CON--"Ah, wot a relief! Now I kin stop worrying about where I'm going ter spend de summer."

VALUE

  There, little dollar, don't you cry;   You _may_ buy something by and by.

A Pennsylvania farmer was the owner of a good Alderney cow. A stranger, having admired the animal, asked the farmer: "What will you take for your cow?"

The farmer scratched his head for a moment, and then said: "Look a-here, be you the tax assessor or has she been killed by the railroad?"

CALLER--"It's a good thing to teach your boy the value of money, as you are doing."

HOST--"Well, I don't know. He used to behave for ten cents, but now he demands a quarter."

FOOTPAD--"Your money or your life!"

MRS. TIGHTLY--"That's reasonable enough, Jake! You've got only 50 cents."

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